How do you get to Animals, by Noah James

Foreward: This is a verbatim transcription of a conversation (monologue) by Noah the other night. He had a box full of stuffed animals and was pulling them out, one by one.

You have to pay for my animals. You have to give me real money to pay for these animals.

Well, dis is called a kitten. Here’s how you take care of him. You get his kitten food, you get a little cage so he could go poop & pee & then you get a water so he could bent down & drink. You pet him when he’s so sad. Meow meow.

And then here’s a small bunny. When he grows up you let him outside & he hops. Boing boing.

And this is called a mouse. Here’s how you take care of him: you get him some cheese & you put him to sleep after he gets cheese.

Mom: How do you put him to sleep?

You just feed him more & more cheese until he’s full & den he goes to sleep.

Dis is called a blue jay. He flies around. You have to get a cage to take care of him & when he gets bigger you let him fly in the wild

Dis is called a fish. You put him in a fish tank & he swims around, he rings his fish bell when he’s hungry.

And then dis is called a duck. You hold him & here’s how you feed him: you feed him duck food. Here’s how you put him to sleep: more & more duck food. When he’s bigger you let him fly out in the wild

Dis is called a bear. He plays baseball. You have to be careful because bears play baseball & then they could knock something down. And then bears wear a baseball hat to throw a baseball.

Dis is called a Gorilla. When he’s strong & big you let him swing out into the wild

Dis is called a big bunny. He has sensitive hearing and he has big ears to hear far away. And then here’s how you take care of him: you get a big bunny cage & close the door so he can’t get out. When he’s big & changes into a giant, you let him hop out of the door. Boing boing boing.

Dis is called a frog: You put him in a frog cage. He’s a tired frog. This frog is always tired. So when it’s time for him to eat you just do the clock & he wakes up. And then you feed him some frog food. And then when he’s big you just let him hop out of the door into the wild.

And then here’s a leopard. He could jump far away & run so fast. PHEW!
Dilly: he’s not a leopard.
Mom: What is he?
Dilly: A draguar
And then here’s his bed. Here’s how you feed him. You feed him macaroni & cheese. When he’s really really really big. And den when he’s full he goes to sleep. & when he’s big big big & turns into a daddy you just let him jump over your fence & run him out.

And then here’s a turtle. You just let him swim around in a turtle tank. And when he’s hungry you feed him cheetos & he swims around catching them. And he’s a fast swimmer to catch his favorite food, which is cheetos. And then when he’s tired you just sing him a lullaby like this one:

Turtle go to sleep
Ah you have the tired eyes
For you to go to sleep

And den when he wakes up you just give him more food.
And den when he’s big & you can’t take care of him anymore you just let him out of the wild and then he crawls to his real home over the fence, until he came to his mommy & daddy.


That’s it!

I have one more pet in here called a donkey & a horse. Here’s a donkey. Here’s what you feed him: you feed him carrots. And den when he’s big you just let him run out in the wild.
Dis is called a horse. You feed him oatmeal & let him run around in your back yard & den you could let him give you a ride. And den put him in a stable so he’ll be warm in the rain. Here’s one problem about horses: they’re really hard to take care of because they could run so fast that they might run away. And then when they grow up to be such big horsies you have to let them go.

I sink I’m going to be a safariar when I grow up, and learn about every animals. Safariars are the best because they stay in the rain forest looking for men that need their help. And I get to have a sword and a shield and a knife & everything! And those are for the animals that are trying to get me, like lions or tigers or jagiars.