It is with great sadness that I announce the death of my beloved friend & boon companion, Diet. He was with me for at least six months, constantly at my side, and, although exacting & a real pain in the ass sometimes, at least made me feel really good when I followed his advice. With his help, I was going places. I had plans for a whole new life, not to mention wardrobe.
Sadly, it was not to be. Tragedy struck over Thanksgiving, ending his young life before it was hardly begun. Reports differ as to the actual cause of death, but it seems that he may have been crushed by...I weep as I write....thousands of pounds of turkey and cranberry sauce. Candied yams may have also been involved and are under investigation.
We have kept him on life support now for the past 3 weeks, waiting in agony to see if he will pull out of it & return to us, but we are past hope. He is dead & cannot be revived. I will be pulling the plug this weekend, supported by my friends, Starbucks and Pastries. Dessert has promised to follow shortly afterward.
Services will be held at the Church of Our Lady of Obesity. No flowers, please.
About Me
- Susanna Doss (nee Rudow)
- I was born and raised in Japan and moved to the US about 10 years ago. I met my husband at my work and now stay home to care for our two children, Noah, 3, and Dillon, 8 months. Two years ago we relocated (for Jeff's work) to El Paso, TX, and bought a house here. We love our house....jury's still out on El Paso.
5 comments:
well, I just spat out my coffee i was laughing so hard. Thanks for that (keyboard thanks you too).
I've had a similar death in the family as well, so I sympathize. We will mourn together my dear. You for your darling diet, & I for my adored gym.
LMAO
That was too good. Maybe we can pray for small miracles of resurrection after the holiday season?
Laughing so hard.... Suz - you should write a book.
Thank you my dears. After I wrote this I felt that perhaps a resurrection may have been in the offing, but due to events beyond my control this weekend, (and also due to baked goods), it seems it is not to be. :(
Heheh, love this! I can just picture it on fridge magnets. :)
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