How do you get to Animals, by Noah James

Foreward: This is a verbatim transcription of a conversation (monologue) by Noah the other night. He had a box full of stuffed animals and was pulling them out, one by one.

You have to pay for my animals. You have to give me real money to pay for these animals.

Well, dis is called a kitten. Here’s how you take care of him. You get his kitten food, you get a little cage so he could go poop & pee & then you get a water so he could bent down & drink. You pet him when he’s so sad. Meow meow.

And then here’s a small bunny. When he grows up you let him outside & he hops. Boing boing.

And this is called a mouse. Here’s how you take care of him: you get him some cheese & you put him to sleep after he gets cheese.

Mom: How do you put him to sleep?

You just feed him more & more cheese until he’s full & den he goes to sleep.

Dis is called a blue jay. He flies around. You have to get a cage to take care of him & when he gets bigger you let him fly in the wild

Dis is called a fish. You put him in a fish tank & he swims around, he rings his fish bell when he’s hungry.

And then dis is called a duck. You hold him & here’s how you feed him: you feed him duck food. Here’s how you put him to sleep: more & more duck food. When he’s bigger you let him fly out in the wild

Dis is called a bear. He plays baseball. You have to be careful because bears play baseball & then they could knock something down. And then bears wear a baseball hat to throw a baseball.

Dis is called a Gorilla. When he’s strong & big you let him swing out into the wild

Dis is called a big bunny. He has sensitive hearing and he has big ears to hear far away. And then here’s how you take care of him: you get a big bunny cage & close the door so he can’t get out. When he’s big & changes into a giant, you let him hop out of the door. Boing boing boing.

Dis is called a frog: You put him in a frog cage. He’s a tired frog. This frog is always tired. So when it’s time for him to eat you just do the clock & he wakes up. And then you feed him some frog food. And then when he’s big you just let him hop out of the door into the wild.

And then here’s a leopard. He could jump far away & run so fast. PHEW!
Dilly: he’s not a leopard.
Mom: What is he?
Dilly: A draguar
And then here’s his bed. Here’s how you feed him. You feed him macaroni & cheese. When he’s really really really big. And den when he’s full he goes to sleep. & when he’s big big big & turns into a daddy you just let him jump over your fence & run him out.

And then here’s a turtle. You just let him swim around in a turtle tank. And when he’s hungry you feed him cheetos & he swims around catching them. And he’s a fast swimmer to catch his favorite food, which is cheetos. And then when he’s tired you just sing him a lullaby like this one:

Turtle go to sleep
Ah you have the tired eyes
For you to go to sleep

And den when he wakes up you just give him more food.
And den when he’s big & you can’t take care of him anymore you just let him out of the wild and then he crawls to his real home over the fence, until he came to his mommy & daddy.


That’s it!

I have one more pet in here called a donkey & a horse. Here’s a donkey. Here’s what you feed him: you feed him carrots. And den when he’s big you just let him run out in the wild.
Dis is called a horse. You feed him oatmeal & let him run around in your back yard & den you could let him give you a ride. And den put him in a stable so he’ll be warm in the rain. Here’s one problem about horses: they’re really hard to take care of because they could run so fast that they might run away. And then when they grow up to be such big horsies you have to let them go.

I sink I’m going to be a safariar when I grow up, and learn about every animals. Safariars are the best because they stay in the rain forest looking for men that need their help. And I get to have a sword and a shield and a knife & everything! And those are for the animals that are trying to get me, like lions or tigers or jagiars.

Great Expectations

So, appropos of nothing, I would like to introduce this thought I had out into the yawning void of the internet, namely: I think Disney is doing a great disservice to our children. They are actively encouraging them to buy into the concept that "You can do anything if you just believe in yourself". So many Disney songs and cartoons tout that very concept.

But consider: it's simply not true. Dillon, for example, often believes himself to be a dinosaur. Noah firmly believes he can do karate and eat high fructose corn syrup all day long. Many people on American Idol believe they can sing. I used to believe I could be a ballerina. THESE THINGS JUST WILL NEVER BE TRUE, mon enfants, no matter how much the parties involved believe in them. Are you with me?

And then these poor children watch these movies, these songs, and that theme is ingrained in them. They get unrealistic expectations of life...and then they get depressed when they get older.

"I was supposed to be an Astronaut! I was supposed to be a movie star! I was supposed to be the President of the United States!" (Ahem, Jeffery Doss)

And when it doesn't work out, they feel discouraged or even belligerent & disgusted with their lives. This does not make for a satsfied hoi-polli. I should know. I was supposed to be a princess of Jesus, ruling and reigning, COMPLETE WITH FLYING ABILITY by the time I was 25. I was ROBBED, people. I'm now 32 and can barely get my sizeable ass off the couch.

Oh but seriously, my amigos, don't you agree? There seems to be (in the States, mind you) a serious disconnect between what people percieve is their right to happiness & acheviement, and what is the reality of the situation. I blame Disney. And then, of course, when people grow up & they're neither rich or famous or even particularly good looking, they feel like their life is a let-down.

I saw this documentary one time about this, and it was very interesting. It was saying that people a couple hundred years ago used to be much more happy, even though they, like, lived in holes in the ground and pooped in their own backyards. Why? Because that was all they expected out of life. Expectations exceeding reality = unhappiness.

I have found this to be true in my own life. I have been experiencing, more and more lately, a quiet sense of satisfaction when I look around at my life. Thinking of my kids and my husband, my small life in my small town, gives me a sort of mellow joy. I really feel proud of our financial & life decisions...I feel proud and happy of the piece of the American dream that we have. But get this: I don't remember really feeling this way much when Jeff was making about twice as much money and we owned a house. Why is this? Maybe because I've adjusted my expectations. Our period of unemployment gave me a perspective on just how bad things could be, and how lucky we are to have what we have. I've adjusted my expectations on sleep, eating, free time, and life in general. I've surrendered to the babies, and I like it just fine. I find I'm much happier, actually. Go figure.

In closing, I would like to dedicate this post to a person who I believe is a fine example of making peace with one's situation & finding contentment when & where he can: Christopher, who's birthday it is today. I guess I posted for you after all.

Excuse me...I have to go now. The kids are asking for a Disney movie.

Mother of the Year

So...I must relate a story here that will do me no favors, but it's too good and weird to pass up.

Yesterday we had kind of a big day, for us. I took the car & dropped Jeff off & then we went out to the park later on. Nice day, nice park, nice time. We were there for probably 2 hours or so. Then we came home & the baby had to be put to bed, and then I had to make dinner, etc, etc, ad nauseum, and throughout I kept thinking every little while: "I have to change Dillon". But I would get busy with something else and I didn't. (Alright, competent mothers, here's the part where you can pat yourself on the back at my expense. I do say, members of the jury, in my own defense, he didn't have poop on. No. MUCH WORSE. )

So after he's had the same diaper on for about 6 hours or so, I finally changed him. This is what I found in his diaper:

ROCKS!!! And not, like, poop rocks. ACTUAL GEOLOGICAL ROCKS. A whole, oh, let's say...2 handfulls. At first I DID think they were poop, but no. He had somehow gotten a load of rocks into his pants at the park and had had them in his diaper for hours. I mean, think about the implications. He sat in his car seat as we rode home from the park, ate dinner with them there, play time, everything. The things were IMBEDDED in his butt. And he never said a word!

And yet he complains bitterly when he has a poop on, and won't sit on it or anything.

Sometimes I wonder about that child.

Sometimes I wonder about myself.

Overdue Pictures

Well, folks, this is just a hodge-podge of pictures, old and new, that I've been meaning to post for some time now. Some of them (the swing pics) are our backyard, some are from the Waco Zoo, and some from our little home. Enjoy!

Dillon's "Cool Tricks"...(what he actually calls it)...which he performs anywhere and everywhere, all over the house, on the dining room table, etc.

Miss Zoe Boe, pretty in pink.

The many faces of Zoe (please notice the precious hat)

Little Miss Pink. Isn't she lovely?

Noah "Dances with Wolves" Doss, gettin down with the spirit of the drums at the Mayborn Museum, a VERY good place to take small children.

Baby Eienstein

(Note to self: throw away the poopy diaper before taking picture)

Let brotherly love continue

Some Waco Zoo shots: Dilly huging the ancient Chinese horse statue replica...or perhaps trying not to fall off.

Mom: Dilly, what was you doing?

Dilly: Dat's me pullin Chona's hair right dere.

Mom: Why was you pulling his hair?

Dilly: Cuz i was riding on dis lizard. Dat's NAUGHTY!

Mom: Who was naughty?

Dilly: Me's naughty. Yeah, I's naughty. I was having my jacket on.

There you have it, folks. A full confession, straight from the horse's mouth.

My handsome husband, with White Rhinos looking on.

Winner of "Most Unfortunately Named Deer Ever"

AHHHHH....urination station. (Pull up the picture and look closely)

A bad picture of the boys, but the bison in the background looked awesome.

Giraffe in the savannah land

Re: Nothing

So....a minor miracle. ALL my progeny are sleeping! AT THE SAME TIME! RIGHT NOW! It's never happened before, in the daytime. Of course, I'm so excited that I keep running into the room, checking to make sure they continue to sleep, and that the baby doesn't wake up & start growling or something & wake the others up, that unfortunately I cannot do anything productive with the time. But it's AWESOME, all the same.
I hope you're having a great Friday. We're having some lovely spring weather here, in Waco, and there are flowers blooming in our never-been-mowed backyard. They're weed flowers, of course, but they're the same kind of weed flowers that we had in Japan, and it evokes many good memories of making weed-flower crowns as a child. Ah, bliss. Spring seems to be making an appearance. For me, all seasons start out with a sort of a deep satisfaction & excitement....when it's winter I'm so pleased to pull on my long sleeves and sweaters, and when it's spring I relish the feeling of the wind & sun on my fish-belly-white arms. It gives me a feeling of renewal, you know? And then in a few weeks I get sick of it & start bitching about the humidity. But for now, I'm happy!
Have a good weekend!

Sleeping it off

So about a month or two ago I put the baby in her swing because she was overtired and wouldn't go to sleep any other way, and put on the "Kiddy Viddie" and tried to leave her alone & get the kids to be quiet too. It worked, and she went to sleep. A few minutes later I look over at her & gave a quiet screech of horror, because I thought she was falling out of her chair. Behold:

Notice the precious feet. She looks like a bunny rabbit on a bender. Sound asleep, and holding onto the swing tray as she slept on it. Awww!

Happy Birthday Aunty Adie!

Happy Birthday to you! Sorry the day was marred by sickness, etc, but I hope it ended up somewhat salvagable. I love you, my dear, and hope for the best for you this next year. You're a wonderful sister and I'm so blessed and lucky to have you in my life. Thanks for always being there for me and our family....and for your moral support through this past year.

May your days be merry and bright, and may none of your hairs be white!