Oh bloggie, I miss you so.

Well, I know no one will see this but me, but I miss this blog. I miss who I was when I used to write it, which feels like a million lifetimes ago. So I am revisiting it. I love you, bloggie. I'm sorry for breaking up with you and cheating on you with Facebook. Yes, you're a lot of work and pretty high maintenance, but we had such good times together. Please take me back and lets make some new memories together?
I promise to try to do better on posting.

Who knew?

So, the problem with falling behind on posting on your blog is that you end up with all these great stories and photos & no time to present them...in short, a glut of material. I wanted to try to post about Easter and the visits to Moms' and all kinds of things, but I don't think I have time today, so this will have to do: pictures of Dillon's new haircut.

But it's not just an ordinary haircut. Jeffery "Dark Horse" Doss once again proved that, with him, all things are possible; in short, he cut our son's hair for the 1st time on the weekend! I didn't even know he COULD cut hair. I don't think he did either. He was doing his own with the buzzer thingie and Dilly really wanted to get in on the action, so I gave consent (his hair was looking rather straggly). I was very impressed by the clean-cut Pickle that came out of that bathroom. Behold:

I think this pose says it all. Here's lookin at you, kid. All he needs are the finger guns. Kapow! More later.

My Japan

As with most things in life, it's when what we have taken for granted starts to go downhill that we begin to appreciate how much it means to us. I have found this to be true of Japan. I moved away from it and made a whole new life here in the U.S over 10 years ago, and in many ways it's been "out of sight, out of mind." I used to marvel sometimes that I didn't miss it more, having grown up there. But it's sure been on my mind for the past week.

So here it is: I miss Japan. I miss it and cry for it because of the unimaginable suffering of the bereaved and displaced. I know this same sad scenario has played out many times over the past years in different countries, images of people wandering the streets without homes or missing family, and it's always been terrible to see, but this is different. These people feel like my long lost relatives. I lived in small villages by the ocean. Those destroyed houses you see on the news, I stayed in any number of ones just like them all my young life. They are my people too, and I grieve for them and pray for them. And I'm proud of them. I see articles about how no one is looting, how desperate people are still lining up for food & water, patiently; how hundreds of men are basically sacrificing their lives at the nuclear power plants to try and save everyone else, and I think, yes, those are my people too, I'm proud to say that I was born there.

May my family there be safe and fed and warm, may everyone else be as well, and may God be with those who lost so much. And mostly, may it all end well and heal, not least so that I can take my little family back to the place that gave me so much and show them all about where Mommy came from.

I am posting a poem that I wrote long ago, while I still lived there, about Japan. (Thanks, Nikki, for digging it up for me!) It's poor poetry, but I happen to like this one almost best of all, because I said what I came to say in it. If you don't speak Japanese and want to know what the weird words mean, I included a glossary at the bottom. Enjoy.

My Japan:

Weeping willow, tall and fair
Woodland fern, and maidenhair.
Aged Bonsai, twisted limb
Greenest bud on newest stem;

Orange skies at close of day,
Semis sing the night away.
Morning glories, fading fast
Small blue buds and spider grass.

Bamboo forest, small and proud
Long brown leaves, strewn on the ground.
Little sisters run & chase;
Grass stained shorts, a purple face.
Swinging high, swinging low
This is the way the summers go.

I see the moon, the moon sees me;
Homeward walk, outlined tree;
Birthday candles, hanabi,
Cool yukata, matsuri.

Glowing lanterns, strung on high,
Dancing platforms tower by.
Catch a goldfish; catch him twice;
Pink and green and yellow ice.

"Gaijin da!" "This is a pen";
Ice-cream for a hundred yen.
Kiokabe, stifling heat,
Tickling fan and crispy sheet.

Yellow nightlight, shoji door,
Bean bag pillow on the floor.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
True contentment, joy complete.
Father singing sweet and low,
This is the way the summers go.

Glossary for those who don't speak Japanese:

Semis: cicadas

Hanabi: fireworks

Yukata: summer kimono

Matsuri: festival

"Gaijin da!": "It's a foreigner"

Kiyokabe: traditional wall covering in older Japanese homes

Shoji doors: rice paper doors

Both sides of the coin

So, today is V day. I know it's not cool to like it, and everyone goes on and on about how it's just canned sentiment and romance commercialized, big bucks for the florists and Hallmark, a money-maker in the cold months for the restaurants, etc. And I'm sure it's all true. I kinda feel two ways about the holiday: on the one hand, I dislike anything forced when it comes to romance or love. (Jeff will joyfully confirm this.) I don't like being told when I should feel loving toward my other half, or when we should celebrate our love. What if you had a big ugly fight on the night of Feb. 13th? (we didn't). (but still). What if you want to make May 4th your big celebration of love? Or whatever. So that's on the one hand.

But I think, in support of it, that sometimes, as busy as we all get, it's nice to have a day that takes you by the hand and sits you down and smacks you in the face with sentiment and chocolate. It's a day that makes you really parse out your feelings for your significant other, and maybe makes you appreciate him/her a little more than you usually do. Maybe it's a good thing to schedule in some amore, especially because there's really precious little time for it the rest of the year. You know? I find that when I'm writing in the card, or planning the dinner we're having, it's a good reminder of what my husband means to me...makes me tap into & express the things that just become passing, unexpressed thoughts all too often.

So Happy Valentines Day to all of you. Everyone can celebrate it, because we all have people that we love.
In closing, here is something for you, Jeffery Doss: a picture that I love of us, which I was trying to print out & give to you as a gift. The #$()*&@%^# printer won't print the thing, so I am reduced to posting it here, with all my love.

The Snow Day

We got SNOW! FINALLY! We've been having below zero weather for days now...it's gotten down to about 4 or 5 degrees at night sometimes, which for those in Japan is about -15...anyway, we finally got snow!! I was so excited that I stayed way up past my usual bed time just watching it. I felt like the snow sentinel...if I watched it, it wouldn't stop snowing and we would have a nice little blanket of snow in the A.M. And we did!! I took the kids out to play in it, and they had a pretty good time. Then Noah started throwing snowballs at Dilly, who immediately began screaming because snow got on him, and then Zoe started crying because her hands were cold (you know, that painful cold that you get when you've been in snow), so I took her in. Then Dilly was crying about his hands too, and they both screamed merrily in the house for about 10 minutes straight. It was quite humourous and I laughed.
Anyway, enough about my stress free life and wonderful children; here are the pictures (mobile uploads) that Jeff sent home. Alas, I have no camera to record the winter wonderland, because my dear husband took my van to work this A.M with cameras inside. Oh well.
Enjoy!

Merry Christmas to all!

Well, folks, it's that time of year: I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! We are going to visit my Mom in Dallas, along with most of the other siblings, for our Christmas celebrations & exertions this year. This will be the first time in many, many years that the Rudows (previously and currently) and Jungs, etc, will be together for a holiday! Yay! We are all very excited.
I would like to say to Amber & Steven & children that you will be MISSED. It's sad that we couldn't work it out for you to attend also, but I know there will be a way some other time if we keep working on it. We will think of you, gossip about you, and drink a toast to you. And you really can't ask for more than that.

In closing, I would like to post here a poem that I re-wrote for my husband last year. The thought began stirring in my brain when I observed all that he does for our family, and with a little concentration & foolishness it came together nicely. I would like to say thank you, my dearest dear, for all the happy Christmases you have given me. We've been through a lot the past year or two, but we're always going to be ok as long as we have each other to love and live for. I love you with all my heart. Merry Christmas!


Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for Jeff Doss.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
Because Daddy Jeffery had placed them there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of boojie danced in Zoe’s little head.
And mamma in her mismatching nightclothes was down
In her bed while Beauty still puttered around.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Mom sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window she flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen grass
Gave the lustre of mid-day to the crack of Dad’s ass.
As he bent over what to her eyes should appear,
But a red lawnmower, shiny and clear.

With a little hand movement, snappy and quick,
He roared that lawn engine and woke up Aunt Nick.
More rapid than eagles his mower-blades came!
Mom gibbered, and shouted, and called him a name!

Did it sway him? Did it stop him? Never! He stood
And as he shouted, I knew he was the true Christmas dude:

"Now Dyson! Now Cascade! Now Windex will fix em!
On Comet! On Clorox! C’mon, Pledge, we’ll Blitz em!
To the end of the yard, and all through the hall,
Now clean away! Mow away! Mop away, all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
The sound of the lawn mower rose to the sky.
And after the lawn, to the duplex he flew,
With his ratty grey pants on, to clean up there too.

And then, in a twinkling, he buzzed all around
Cleaning the windows and cleaning the ground
Cleaning the dishes, around the sponge flew,
Changing the lightbulbs and cleaning Miu’s poo.

He was dressed, as I said, in ratty old sweats,
His T-shirt was stained and his underwear ripped
A bundle of garbage he had flung on his back,
And after he cleaned he was going to unpack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his smile, how easy!
His head how it gleamed, his nose, it was greasy!
His lovely plump lips drawn up like a bow,
But his teeth, they weren’t quite as white as the snow.

The half of a cookie he held tight in his teeth,
As he plugged up the tree and put up the wreath.
He had a nice face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger inside of his nose,
He pulled out a booger as big as a rose!

He sprang to his computer, crunched the numbers he kept,
Making everything perfect while his family slept.
But I heard him exclaim finally, dousing the light,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

Hah, Bumhug

So I was feeling a little bah humbug the other day. I think that as I get older this feeling comes to me more frequently...I would say 'for some reason', but I know the reason. Holidays, while fun and something to look forward to all year long, are just a lot of work sometimes. The workload increases exponentially with every extra family member you have, so with every child...etc. I think, too, that it's a product of growing up in Japan, where, despite Amanda's information to the contrary this year, people do not usually celebrate Thanksgiving...ergo Christmas becomes the one big holiday, and maybe even MORE fun. I sometimes feel that Turkey day #1, with all the trimmings, followed less than 6 weeks later by Turkey day #2, with all the trimmings, just becomes an overload of turkey.

I won't get into the presents issue, because it's impossible to raise the discussion without taking both sides of the issue (What a waste of money! Give it all to the starving Armenians! Presents are an expression of love and they make the day very special! Also, I personally demand presents of every loved one and acquaintance that I possess, so let's not be hypocritical, Susanna!) etc etc. But no one can deny that if you have to buy for more than, like, your boyfriend, it can be a little stressful. But I also ADORE shopping over the holidays, when the stores are all lit up and cozy and you can drink Starbucks while you peruse the merchandise, until your husband calls you from home asking Where are you but not in a nice way and you can hear the boys disemboweling each other in the back ground while the baby screams merrily......

Sigh. I'm so confused.

Lets just say I have to stay on top of my mood sometimes, to ensure the proper level of merriment.

But think about this, oh you imagineers (don't sue me, Disney): What if you could check into a hotel over the holidays? A big, huge, sparkly, Christmassy hotel, pre-decorated the way the way you like, with a Christmas tree in the lobby and the promise of a ready-made turkey on Christmas day? What if the stores we love were around the corner, and when you woke up you could purchase your Starbucks in the lobby of this wonderland while the Kenny G Musak of Tidings and Joy played in the background, and what if afterward, toting said Starbucks, you could walk to the mall (in your fabulous shoes) which was right around the corner from the hotel and then you could shop till you dropped and then come home to the hotel and have a massage while your doting husband waited for you in the bar with a cinnamon appletini??? What about them apples? What is a cinnamon appletini? Also, where are my children in all this?

I know. It was a VERY nice daydream. But waking up Christmas morning, when the work is mostly done and the tree is decorated and the kids are all starry-eyed over their decorated house and their painstakingly wrapped presents is pretty great too. Or we could go crash Moms'.